Hammering along a motorway recently, my low attention span kicked in and I decided to play with my Tom Tom to see what other features it had.
‘Oooh’, I excitedly exclaimed as I tapped away at the settings, ‘there’s a feature that flags up when we are near a Convention Centre!’
A wry smile and a pitying tilt of the head from my husband (who was driving for those who might wonder if I have turned multi tasking into a new, extreme sport) shamed me into thinking just how challenging it is for the partners of those of us in this business.
They, too, have to put up with the bizarre hours and our passion for our trade; if we are not at work, you can bet we are talking about it. They accept that we don’t have ‘a job’, that we have chosen a ‘lifestyle’ and the consequence that they are on the payroll to boot.
But back to the Sat Nav. What is it about this gadget that can inspire such bile and vitriol between two people who have never had an argument in their life (though goodness knows I’ve tried to start a few!).
The only other situation I know of that causes such animosity between couples, exposing the ‘Mr Hyde’ aspect of their personalities, is shopping at IKEA
IKEA is the place you see perfectly happy people experiencing the most incredible stress. Does the blue and yellow livery put people into an argumentative state of mind? The fights in the Marketplace. Half filled trolley’s abandoned mid aisle; had they just have had enough and stormed out? Together? Seperately?
Then the car dilemma, the realisation that you have not, despite all your best intentions and promises to each other, kept to the carefully compiled shopping list. “Flippin’ heck, it won’t all fit in?” This is the ultimate disappointment, you’ve made it through the aisles, to the check out without the hint of a decree nisi, and now there is the potential to fall at the final hurdle!
One of the funniest moments I saw, (and I really shouldn’t have laughed), was when one chap became very agitated at not being able to fit in all the pre-packed furniture that, quite clearly, had not been on his shopping list into his car. In sheer frustration he slammed the hatchback shut, popping the glass in all three back windows.
The saddest was ‘The Abandoned Woman’. Alone she sat, ‘The Abandoned Woman’ on the kerb, purchases strewn around her. She pulled despondently on a cigarette, inhaling deeply, hunched with the poise of a person who has just been told her house is on fire. Perhaps it was?
Was her accomplice really going to come back and pick her up? Her demeanor suggested she was not optimistic and the chance of said partner being in the pub, just starting his second pint, with no intention of returning was a very real fear.
So, there is a new challenge in our relationship. Sat Nav. We end up having the most furious arguments: three way as we shout at and argue with the Sat Nav as well. Even our attempts to humour the situation by (how sad is this) installing Homer Simpson as ‘the voice’ fails to appease.
We have decided, as we did with IKEA, that Sat Nav can no longer be part of our life. There were three of us in this relationship, it was a bit crowded.
And how will I deal with my tragic need to have our proximity to a conference centre potentially remaining a mystery?
‘You really don’t need to change the settings’ my husband said as he fixed his eyes back on the road, ‘I have you to tell me!’
Excuse me? Could you please tell me where the nearest Convention Centre is?
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